A Son’s Anger; A Mother’s Dilemma


I apologize at the start for the length of this post. There is a lot more I could have included but tried very hard to keep it as short as possible.

clock-499042_1920On the Thursday morning before Christmas, about six a.m., while I was getting ready for work, my son called. This greatly surprised me because he hadn’t really been talking to me for about two years. At Thanksgiving, even though he hadn’t been talking with me, he took an opportunity on Instagram to passively/aggressively attack me with a brief exchange.

 

On this particular morning, he was very upset.

My daughter-in-law had just been taken away in an ambulance. Something about a possible suicide attempt. She apparently had gone out with friends the previous evening and come home incapacitated and vomiting. According to the friends she only had two beers. My son thought she had also taken something as she was talking about suicide while being sick.

help-66611_1280He repeated over and over that he didn’t have anyone else he could call. I immediately dropped everything, called out from work for that day and the next, packed a bag, borrowed my daughter’s car and drove nine hours to his house. I drove four of those hours through a tropical storm, driving was horrible. Tornado warning in the area where my house was and driving through another area that had its own tornado warning.

I spent that evening, as well as the next three days, with my son and my two granddaughters. I was supposed to stay longer, but as you will see, that didn’t work out. We talked about him and his situation, we talked about the girls, I played, a lot, with the youngest. He visited his wife twice. We did some Christmas shopping and he did some on his own. In the evenings he seemed to delight in telling me of his rejection of our Christian faith and how he was now a Buddhist and an atheist; he didn’t believe in reincarnation though. He enjoyed pointing out problems he saw with the Christian faith and itemized issues he believed showed that the faith was misrepresented and God wasn’t who we believe He is. I offered alternate viewpoints for consideration but mostly listened. It was going OK. (This is typical behavior for him.)

death-164761_1280There was some talk of him feeling like he was being attacked by a demon while he was a Christian and his great feeling of relief when he finally rejected Christianity. All his guilt had gone away and he didn’t get angry anymore. And the demonic attacks he had felt before were gone too.

Then on Sunday, he worked all day. When he came home, I asked how his day was and he grunted at me. Past experience with others indicated I should not engage him in discussion. After a little bit, he came and sat in the living room where I was watching a movie. The movie ended and we selected another movie to watch together. As soon as the movie started, he started talking about politics and the news. I mostly listened but did offer up a few alternate viewpoints, pointing out that I had different sources than he did.

He got upset when I stated that most of the coverage of Trump has been proven to be negative and that MSNBC, CNN, and Fox are all mostly commentators, not reports. At one point he asked me why I was arguing with him. I said I thought we were having a discussion, exchanging ideas. However, I switched tactics to listening and only providing brief words that indicated I was listening.

Suddenly, he just blew up.

anger-794699_1280Got mad at me, said he hated people like me who spread fake news, as well as some other very insulting words, that frankly, I don’t even remember. I was stunned.

He left the room briefly, then came back through with some convoluted sentence about Trump being the leader of the lizard people and paying 12-year-olds to have sex with him and some other nonsense I don’t remember. That was kind of like a drive-by hit because he was just walking through the room from one room to another.

When he came back in the room, based on his accusations against me, I asked him:

“If I’m such a problem, maybe I should leave.”

The idea was to stop him and get him to think about what he was saying. The result was far different. He left the room, then came back and said he would take me up on my offer and he wanted me to leave. Then he said to remember it was my suggestion and he was not to blame.

I went to the room I was using and reviewed the situation. I could stay. However, he could call the police on me. Additionally, he admitted he had an anger issue, the evidence of which I had already noticed in a broken closet door. I decided to leave.

Then I had to decide if I would talk with my granddaughters before leaving. Unfortunately, I decided not to. I was afraid I would say something like, you dad has told me to leave. I didn’t think it was a good idea to say something against their support system when one parent was already in the psych hospital. One was in bed, although she was probably still up and, on her phone, the other was in my son’s room with him. I wasn’t going in there.

graphic-3643600_1280I went outside to load my things in the car still thinking I might change my mind about talking with the girls but he came out on the porch and told me not to contact them again and to stop pretending to love them. I got in the car at 10:30 p.m. and drove through the night to get home.

As well as missing two days of work, I also had three appointments scheduled during the next 7 days that I had to reschedule to be able to make the trip to help my son.

While at their house I developed a headache that got progressively worse, until on Sunday it was almost debilitating. Also, while at their house I was extremely tired and felt like I was moving through a fog with everything around me slightly fuzzy. I might even go so far as to say I felt that way whenever I was around my son. I seemed to be OK when he was gone or at least I hid it well so the girls wouldn’t be affected by my reduced capacity.

Could I have responded differently?

Talked him down over the phone? Used different words while talking with him. Possibly. But it just seemed like he was pressing the issues with me. He has done that before.

Upon reflection

I believe he either has a demon attached to him or he is, in fact, possessed. He couldn’t shake my faith, he couldn’t breach my conservative beliefs. Then, he fell into a rage. It was very scary.

~ by jameylynn on January 4, 2019.

One Response to “A Son’s Anger; A Mother’s Dilemma”

  1. Reblogged this on Bold Words and commented:
    Sometimes I think nah, my life/family isn’t that dramatic like a soap opera and then this happens.

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